Being Transparent

What exactly does this mean? What does it mean when someone says, “We all need to be transparent with each other?” Not only this, but is it actually true? Just because someone says it, doesn’t make it true.

I have heard this said at Bible studies and also in casual conversation and, to tell you the truth, it has never sat well with me. I didn’t realize this until I started thinking about it. And this is what I came up with…

Everyone has their own definition of what “transparent” means. But I think there are two common meanings that people generally adhere to. The first one is that the person realizes that in order for people to have healthy relationships, they need to be able to first, have someone they trust and respect to confide with and share their deep, serious struggles with. And second, they need to not be afraid to share in a group setting how God is teaching them and working in their life. They don’t need to (and shouldn’t) share their major issues with a group of 15 people who are not close confidants but they should be able to share what God has been teaching them in a general sense.

The second definition that I think people apply to the word “transparent” is that of the “we all need to air our dirty laundry and be willing to share our major (and even devastating) struggles with anyone and everyone.” Now, before I go on, I would like to say that the people who adhere to this definition would probably never say that they adhere to it, but that is what they are thinking when they say that we need to be more transparent. My theory is that people who think this generally are dealing with issues in their own lives that are very difficult and hurtful and they feel like their life is messed up and, to be quite frank, they want to know that other peoples’ lives are messed up too. This makes them feel better about themselves. Now, I am not, in any way, trying to be insensitive here. On the contrary, I am merely trying to explain the “transparent” phenomenon.

I believe that the first definition that I mentioned is the healthy meaning of what it means to be transparent. For example, when asked about their week, I think someone should be able to share, “You know, my week really hasn’t been that great.” To which someone should respond, “I’m sorry! Let me know if there is anything I can do.” And that person may reply, “Thank you! I will keep that in mind.” Or “You know, it would be great if_________,” fill in the blank with “you could pray for me” or “we could talk for a few minutes (if they feel comfortable doing so).” I don’t believe that, in order to be “real” or “transparent,” that person has to say, “Well, on Tuesday my husband and I got in a major fight and I slapped him across the face and on Wednesday, I lost it with one of my kids and told him he was a snotty little brat and on Thursday, my husband got drunk and smashed our front window, etc.” These are certainly major issues that need to be addressed but that doesn’t mean you share them with just anyone.

You don’t have to be transparent in regards to the second definition in order to be real and sincere with people. If you choose not to divulge your most intimate struggles in life to a group of people or to just anyone, it does not mean that you are being fake. Rather, I would submit that you are being wise. Over the years, I have had people share with me that they took others advice and were more transparent and they were burned—burned badly. Be careful who you are sharing with and what you are sharing with them. To share deep struggles with a person is to trust them with a lot. Being vulnerable in such a way is not a thing to be taken lightly. Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.