Here's a little melodrama for ya. :-)

Sometimes, late at night, I can get a little, well, let’s just say melodramatic. I start thinking about things. I start wondering about…life. When is it all going to end? We know that Christ is coming back. The last biblical prophecy that was fulfilled occurred a very long time ago. Jesus and the apostles spoke of the end of the age and that it was “near.”

Near. Hmpf! What does that mean, anyway? That was 2,000 years ago! Now, a thousand years might equal one day to the Lord but in my book, 2,000 years is a very long time and it doesn’t even come remotely close to constituting the definition of the word “near.”

Our church had a prayer service tonight. It was very good even though my heart was indifferent to most of it. I found myself saying, “Andrea! You WILL worship the Lord whether you feel like it or not. It’s not about you! It’s all about Him!” And when a woman began to wail at the foot of His altar like I have never heard someone wail, I was completely caught off guard and questioned, “Lord, is this from you? Is this one of those times where You are moving in someone’s heart and mind or is this one of those times when someone is getting a little too carried away?” And how do I tell the difference? Hmm. Maybe I’m just not spiritually old enough yet. Yes? No? Maybe I just wasn’t walking in the Spirit. Maybe You chose to put a cover over my eyes. Do I get to know?

And apparently someone else spoke in tongues. But did I hear it? Nooooooo! Of course not! Why in the world would I hear something like that? I wonder what it is like to speak in tongues. I don’t think I ever will receive the privilege of knowing, mostly because it takes me long enough just to work up the courage to pray in such large public gatherings much less speak a foreign tongue. And sometimes I don’t work up the courage to do that because I “think” the Lord “might” be telling me to but I’m just not really that sure. I’ll tell you what, sometimes it is exhausting to be so…unsure. And of course, when I do finally work up the nerve, my heart starts pounding and I feel very nervous and then I forget half the things I wanted to pray anyway. Doesn’t sound like something from the Lord, does it?

So, back to the beginning. Where are we in the whole grand scheme of things? Are we 50% of the way there—to Christ’s return that is? Maybe we are only 25% of the way there. Maybe 75%. Or maybe He’s coming back tomorrow. I have had several end time dreams. Isn’t there a verse about old men seeing visions and sons and daughters prophesying? I thought there was something in there about dreaming dreams too. I’ve also experienced very weird sensations. Like, I get this feeling that something big is about to happen. The last time I got this feeling, a few weeks later my life changed radically in just three days. Like, we are talking radical explosive change. This morning, I had a similar feeling, only the feeling wasn’t that something big was about to happen. The feeling was that something big was happening right then. I turned and gazed out the window. Something was happening. I’m sure of it. But then again, things happen all the time don’t they? So what was I sensing…or was it my imagination getting the better of me?

And if I am sensing something, so what? What does that mean? I didn’t know what I was sensing. What is the point of sensing something you know nothing about? I mean, one can hardly pray for such a matter much less do anything about it.
Yeah, so that pretty much sums up how I have been feeling today. Like I said, melodramatic. This working out your salvation in Christ stuff is hard! I know His grace is sufficient. It’s not His grace I question. It’s my response to that grace